Becoming, Not Arriving

We're ‘back to school’ and my social media feed is full of the usual images, kids in new shoes outside the front door, parents talking about the new term, and the countdown posts - only four months left of the year, make it count; you know the ones!

For me, this September feels different. It wasn't the usual summer childcare juggle this year, because my youngest has just started sixth form, and for the first time in a long time, I don't have that back-to-school feeling at all. Usually, I get that feeling of new shoes, new pencil case, that sense of newness and arriving at a new season but this year is different. I feel like I'm evolving rather than arriving, standing on the edge of a real shift as my kids grow up and start to fly the nest, and as my own work evolves alongside them. I'm now working in a way that's in true service to my future self and the legacy I want to leave in the world.

There's a model by Mainiero and Sullivan called the Kaleidoscope Career Model (KCM) that I sometimes bring into my coaching work, it speaks to a stage of career where authenticity takes precedence over everything else, where you stop shaping your work around other people's expectations and start shaping it around what's actually true for you. I feel like I'm right there now, and it's an evolution I'm genuinely excited about. I remember reading Michelle Obama's book and coming across her thoughts on the question we ask children: what do you want to be when you grow up? Her view was that it's a strange question, because you don't just grow up and stop growing. You don't arrive somewhere and stay there. What I took from that is that the question should never really be about a fixed destination but more about which direction you want to move in, with the understanding that the direction isn't set in stone and that's exactly what I'm seeing for myself right now. I notice a similar pattern with the leaders I work with. They seem to reach what looks like the peak of their careers, but then they realise that’s just the beginning, and it’s a continuous journey of growth.

If I had asked myself years ago what my own ‘peak’ would look like, I’d have said it was when my children became independent and I no longer had to do school runs. I’d probably have added that I finally had holidays that weren’t tied to the school calendar (almost there!). Now, I’m learning that I’m still evolving, and that you don’t just arrive at a certain stage of life and stop there, well, not until it truly ends. Life and events keep happening, and we move into them, navigate whatever is there, learn from it and carry that learning into whatever comes next. Many of the people I coach evolve into leadership, or get promoted into it, and that promotion is never the finish line. It's where the real learning starts. They grow, they face obstacles, they overcome them, and they come out stronger and steadier in the role.

This idea of becoming is also deeply spiritual to me, none of us on this earth are finished works, we are always becoming the next version of ourselves; and there's something profoundly hopeful in that - it means things can always change and, it means they can, and will, keep getting better. I know that not everyone deals well with change, and I include myself in that some days. The things we think we want to stay exactly as they are, and the things that feel frightening to move towards, are often exactly the things we need to move through and all of it is necessary as we journey through life. We can turn setbacks into stepping stones. We can see change not as something happening to us, but as the natural evolution of what comes next.

A few questions for reflection:

1.   Where are you in your becoming right now?

2.   What is your next chapter asking of you?

3.   Is there a ‘peak’ you once imagined that's shifted since you got closer to it?

4.   What would it look like to stop waiting to arrive, and start paying attention to who you're becoming instead?